Today I went for my mental health assessment and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The guy was really cool and listened to me and we talked about lots of things. He has the meeting with the others during the week and it will be calling me on Monday at the latest with what care plan they have come up with and how we are going to proceed with my mental health care and management.I left feeling very positive, we got home I led down and finally after weeks of restlessness I fell asleep. I had a good long sleep and ok yeah I feel better for off loading and lighter but of course I realise I have to start at the begining and work my way through it all without being scared. I just want to be normal again and now I am going to do what I have to do to work towards it even if it's a long hard road and involves at times of crisis going into the hospital. I realise that going into hospital isn't something I need to be afraid of but if I'm that far gone I need to go I probably wont realise anyway. I have to understand that ifI do get that ill again not only am I a risk to myself but to others. I have discussed what I call "the voices!" and have been told they are called "intrusive thoughts" and they can be helped over time. It will be a sweet relief when they finally stop burbling in my head!!!!!If you have never suffered with them you wont understand what I mean so here is an effort to explain...imagine your head as a telephone exchange with a speaker...all the wires on one side have come out and all those voices are coming through the speaker all jumbled up, telling you to do different things but all of them bad, having them screaming things at you and and when you try and tell someone they go shuuuush dont tell, be quiet and they will think you are mad. As you can now see it's difficult to deal with.
Right Stuart is sleeping so I am going to catch up on some mail and continue resting.
love and light x
No comments:
Post a Comment