Eeyore is visiting

Today I feel like Eeyore the donkey "Nice day probably rain", I have been to see my GP and have been added to the Red Alert list for the Mental Health Crisis Team until I ca be seen properly. I remember going in and talking about the meds that I need and she asked me about things and the rest goes hazy and then I remember nothing else about our conversation until I come out and I have to see the outside world.

I thought I had got the hang of this disorder but oh no it catches me out in the lst 24hrs by fooling me into thinking I was going to go onto a hyper and then slamming me down into a low like a giant belly flop onto concrete from a great height. All I wanna do is sleep, comfort eat and then sleep some more. Ok yeah I know, fight it, try and do things, keep my chin up it wont last long it will settle soon, but its kinda hard when you go to the GP talk out your thoughts and pain and end up feeling like an escaped lunatic!!!!!!

I have some extremely good friends on the net whom suffer from the same disorder and they are an absolute godsend, without them I really dont know what I would do, as they alone truely understand how I feel. My love and blessings go out to each and everyone of them everyday to keep them safe from harm and let them realise that I care, I'm here and I love them very much. It's very frightening to realise that all of a sudden you are that ill when in fact you just feel a little funky and that everyone else is acting weird around you. It brings home a reality that once again you are different, you are the dangerous one and that you are the one that is mentally sick. I thought the move was going to be good for me and I feel I am letting Stuart down by not doing to well at the moment. He is a little frustrated that I am struggling so much and I can understand that, I mean come on he moves us to a lovely home in a village, no stress of city life that was strangling me, away from distructive people and then I go all freaked out on him up here. The doctor says it will take time, some proper counselling that I wasn't getting in Bristol and a good rapport with a team to help me settle. I must say I do agree with her I do need help for certain issues but thats for another day

Love Light and blessings my friends xxxxxxxxxxx